I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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