i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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