its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
