I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
