My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
