My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
