My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
