Jerry, you need to find god
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
