why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
