operation have a gay friend backfired
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
