last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
