I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
