Old men and throwing up are my life now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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