capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
