Sry I called you an 8
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
