i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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