I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
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he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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