He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
My life is pants optional.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
