I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
