Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
That's how pantless uber rides happen
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
