How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
