it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
