I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Never underestimate the power of titties
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
