He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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