Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
