Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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