I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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