I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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