there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize
