I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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