I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
