Can i not drive my cunt home
So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
