Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
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