First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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