I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
