that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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