my phone cant type all the emotion im having
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
