I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
