I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
