I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
