the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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