Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
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It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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