Betty ford says i'm here all night
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
