Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
