I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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