you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
