this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
