I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
