I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
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