its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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