I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize