In the future we'll all be gay
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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