My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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