i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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