I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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