I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
