I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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