Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
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On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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