she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
