i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
