im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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