first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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