the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
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If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
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I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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