shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Im part way to drunk.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
