How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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