if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Randomize
