i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
