If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
