i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
