shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
