where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm just crazy horny about you
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
