I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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