Don't you send me to vm
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
