she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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